’32’ and still not . . .

I walk and run

and yet still not be able to stand when problems strikes

I talk and breath

and yet still not be able to sing love songs

I work and dream

and yet still not be able to reach my ultimate ambitions

I am young and free

and yet still fear to be adventurous

I am 32 

and yet still not . . . 

Life seems to pause for a moment when a women reaches her thirty. And yes, I have landed on the world of ’32’; I wasn’t quite scared when I reached ’32’ because I’ve sung loud enough songs of desperation when I was at the age of ’30’. Actually, so far and beyond, the creator of this universe has been so generously kind to me, giving me such a complicated yet intriguing life story to recap.

My passion. Teaching has always been my passion; I’m truly blessed to have met such wonderful yet brain-wrecking students. Transferring  knowledge is something indescribable. Assisting students with their projects truly gives me excitement. There are times facing in-active students gives me extreme headache; however, I have learned not to fix people; it is their cause for not being so attentive, creative, and supportive in the class, as long as I never stop soothing them with scholastic encouragement. My 9-year teaching life has been so awe-inspiring and yet I am still not . . . able to make outstanding research at the age of ’32’.

Dreams. Only desperate people have no dreams; everyone loves to dream. Traveling will always be my favorite dream. I’ve been to Singapore, The Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and yet I, at the age of ’32’, am still not . . . able to land on my dream countries: Japan, France, and South Africa. I hope in before I reach 40, I can visit those favorite countries. Playing the Flute is my fancy dream, I’ve always wanted to play the flute, sitting at the bank of a river and just immerse in its warm and soft sound; and yet, I am still not  . . . able to afford play flute at the age of ’32’. My ultimate dream is to become a writer. I’ve written several poems, short stories, and I even have this blog to post some write-ups; some friends of mine stated that they love the taste of my writings, and yet, I am still not . . . able to publish a book at the age of ’32’.

Character. Every time I stroll around my neighborhood, seeing people rush toward their destination, I somehow wonder what kind of character do they have. Are they fun to be with? Are they stressed out with the character they have? Character is something hard to mold; I, myself, can’t even define my character for it is not easy to ask people to rate one’s character. But one thing I know, INFERIORITY has always been attached to my character. Many times I doubt myself and end up belittling myself for not performing well. I can’t do this! I’m not able to do that! She’s better than me . . . He’s good at that why I’m not? . . . Okay, it’s not my cup of tea. Oh no! what will be their response if I do this? . . . Well, how if I just become the audience. No . . .  no . . . please don’t ask me to do that! Yes, it has been so hard to eradicate my wall of inferiority. At the age of ’32’, I am still not able!

Love Life. I desperately desired to marry young but it didn’t happen as what I expected. I experienced the climax of desperation, begging God to open ways so that I can weave a marriage life. It was such a long quest to meet my soul-mate; I had to go through some life’s most biggest challenges to finally met my better half. With God’s profound mercy, He allowed me to tie the knot on November 24th, 2013, two months after I celebrated my ’32nd birthday’ in September. Marriage life, so far, has been so uniquely fantastic. I feel blessed to have someone to share with, cuddle with, play with, fight with, and argue with, and yet we haven’t got laid in a suite room in a luxurious hotel; probably before ending our ’32’, we will try to materialize this plan.

I literally can’t enumerate one by one everything that has happened in my life, but I can put it in a brief summary that being ’32’ is insanely adventurous. I can sense the meaning of maturity, achieve more of my desires, and experience more ups and downs. Well . . . everything may seem the same as we grow older and older, and yet, many are still not . . .


through my penmanship

through my penmanship


6 thoughts on “’32’ and still not . . .

  1. Pingback: The Winner of my 32 Giveaway | Joeyz14

  2. wowww woowww woooow
    thank you debzkieeee
    ahhh ntar yak gw baca sekali lagi, tadi kurang penghayatan, digangguin uppa
    Makasih ye debbb!!! Ahhhh kalo gini sih , menang ga menang lu ttp dapet VS deh! hahaha 😀 😀

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