I expect nothing from 2017. All I do is get my gears ready, acknowledging incredible moments in the past and looking forward to awesome adventures in the future. In the present situation, I’ve realized this year has certainly been tough and challenging. I have been through high-level of anxiety and frustration which led me to the feelings of wanting to just retreat from life clutter, searching for a perfect place to soothe my inner soul. I was hard on myself, brimming my mind to get all problems solved. I’ve cried until it got so bitterly painful. Regardless of unpleasant situations I’ve been through, I also had days to rejoice and be grateful for what I have in life. I have established skills that I’m satisfied with where I felt incredibly blessed to have polished them, putting in mind that I am at the right place. I have my small family to cherish every day and peaceful shelter to live in. So far, I’ve done my life the way I understand.

Lately I’ve noticed that I go through each day with a very weak support system. It is indeed humans need strong support system to survive and stay sane every single day. The support system that everyone can get are from church, co-workers, close friends, and family. I attend a very big church, with around 2000 members. With this big amount of congregation, you can hardly have solid fellowship. Let’s say nobody will notice if you don’t attend the church. No doubt, it’s much easier to have fellowship in a small church. Church support system is definitely needed in my family life. Having pastor to visit  once in a week and solid church fellowship may bring much different compare to not having a pastor to visit and a fellowship to ignite spiritual life.

I’m sort of fortunate to have a job that I like with a bonus to stay and work in a very conducive place which I don’t want to trade it for anything. Yet it won’t be settled unless the support system of co-workers is solid because a job will never be done without a solid team and if everyone is busy achieving what they desire for their careers, chaos will happen in a workplace. Fortunately, I could still call my co-workers a team; all we need to do is to have more solid support system; it’s evidently at the weak level.

I have very few friends who are near and dear to my heart whom I miss every day. There were times I wanted to meet them and planned for a sleepover, secluding our husbands (and kids). This kind of desire is difficult to materialize. Marriage life has taken so much from us. We’re sort of parting ways, no chats, no calls, no emails, no texts, I’m just clueless of how they have been doing. When I’m in my lowest moment, friend support system is particularly what I need the most. Conceding the fact that I don’t get friend support system and I fear that I might lose it, someday.

Family is the only support system that I should nurture and reserve. This is the only system that cannot or should not fade away. After getting married, my family gets bigger and wider. I have in mind that my core family will always support me no matter how bad life could be. While on the other side of my husband’s family, I don’t experience having Monster In-laws; everyone is just kind and caring. Nevertheless, in reality, I reach to a point that everyone’s plate in the family is actually full to the brim and there’s no way I could add more burden to them. Somehow my family support system will always be there; but at this time, it hasn’t been stronger than ever.

As of now, I come to a point that looking for a powerful support system in the world is puzzled. The only support system that I can rely on is the Absolute Truth. With that, every moment of what life may present before me this year, I will savor and relish.


Morning Routine

img_1551Back then, I wasn’t a natural early riser. Getting up early in the morning was such a burden. Even after I got married, I continued having this bad habit; I was sort of lucky that my husband isn’t that demanding in terms of waking up early because he possesses the same habit (LOL), at least I woke up a bit earlier than him. So who cooks and cleans in the morning? I don’t have to worry about household chores; I have some relatives helping me, which somehow I am in the list of the luckiest woman in the world. Duh!!!

On my second year of marriage, I was on the peak of being weary acting as a queen of the house. I set in my mind to become a morning person and be more productive in the morning and get more relaxed in the evening. I was determined to change my morning attitude by creating a morning routine to add vibes and bliss.

My Morning Routine

  • To wake me up early, I set my alarm to 4.35 a.m.
  • I start my morning by having worship. I wake everyone at home to have worship with me.
  • After having a worship, I give myself ten to fifteen minutes to fully compose before I go for a run or jog.
  • I usually have 45-to-50-minute exercise. To stay motivated, I always put my music on.
  • Coming home from exercise, I do my laundry and clean my room.
  • I take a soothing shower.
  • I put some light make-up on. Come on, a lady should look fresh and enticing as always, right?
  • I prepare my working stuff, managing all my teaching materials and making sure I bring my office keys. Honestly, I’m very weak at keeping my keys. I’m just so forgetful.
  • I fill my bottle of water. I should never skip drinking; it helps me stay hydrated.
  • I have my light & wholesome morning breakfast; just a glass full of juice and steamed food.
  • I join faculty worship for spiritual revival.
  • Then I start my work day to earn a dime: Teaching, Managing, and Analyzing.

So, this is basically what I do in the morning. Anyway there are times I skip my routine because I don’t want to be too strict to myself; once in a while I need to have my lazy day where I can just cuddle in bed without doing anything. Up to this point, I am still aware of  guarding myself not to go back to the ‘old me’. Even though it’s not easy to completely change, I’m committed to being determined and persistent in life because at the end of the day, all I see is a new attitude that I’ve established.

Anger in me


Indeed, I was beyond angry. These thoughts were haunting me because I wasn’t listening to my inner voice:

“What? Is that potato chips you’re munching? Don’t consume that!”

“Eat brown rice not white rice! It contains more carbs.”

“Are you eating noodle again? Think of the consequences.”

“No . . . say no to beef burger and fries! No, please!”

“Don’t fry just boil or steam the food.”

“Don’t blame the weather, even it’s cold just go out and run.”

“Stop being lethargic and do your workout routines!”

Why I was so incredibly mad at myself?

I felt like ‘the persistent me’ has gone by the wind. I remember how hard it was to lose just even a kilo. That seven-month journey of losing weight seemed to be in vain because I returned to be ‘old me’, acting as queen bee at home. I don’t know who to blame, is it the weather or the work stress? In the place where I live, rain comes in routine. This place gets so darn cold, a bone-killing weather, I guess. Well you know when the weather is too cold all you want is just cuddling in your bed with warm blanket that your mother gave. Aside from that, I recently have had hard time sleeping before ten p.m. I end up sleeping at midnight and wake up very late. Research claims that if you sleep late at night, your body will gain more weight. Arrg . . .I hate this research! Not just that, I still have the worst part to tell,  my husband and I spend too much eating unhealthy food, where carbs speak more that ‘vegies.’

Since I was so pissed off, I yesterday and today I punished myself by doing the following things:

-cleaned the entire house, mark this: every corner of the house. You know what it means, right?

-washed clothes with hands (well, I put some on the washing machine, though. I couldn’t bear the cold water)

-raked dried leaves, o gosh. . .this was painfully tiring since I have a large yard to clean.

-Cooked brunch for my husband and I yet I begged my husband to wash all the dirty dishes.

-did some workouts: Jumping Jack, Squat (this kills me!), lunges, step-up, push-up (practicing the easiest way, though), triceps dips, High-knee run, wall-sit.

At the end of the day, I collapsed (not literally), too tired to even breathe and roll my eyes. I know this is an unhealthy and unwise way to do. So the bottom line is I should go back to being persistent in exercising (at least three times a week) and consuming healthy food.

I promise! *finger crossed

Berbagi Kisah: Memahami


Courtesy of Line

“Bagaimana ada pertanyaan?” Tanya saya kepada mahasiswa yang saya ajar, sambil menatap wajah mereka satu persatu, menunggu respon yang tak kunjung datang. Lalu saya kembali bertanya, “Apa kalian baca materi yang saya kasih?” Mereka tetap termenung, menundukkan kepala. Saya merasakan jantung saya mulai berdetak kencang, memberikan sinyal bahwa emosi saya sudah mulai terusik. Saya menghela nafas panjang lalu mulai memanggil nama mereka satu-persatu. “A, kamu baca materinya?” Dia menggelengkan kepala. Kemudian saya alihkan pandangan saya ke mahasiswa yang lain dan memberikan pertanyaan yang sama, “B, kamu baca materi yang saya kasih minggu lalu? Dia hanya tertunduk, sinyal yang mudah ditebak dia juga tidak membaca. Saya beralih ke mahasiswa yang lain, “Kalau kamu, C? Dia tersenyum dan menjawab, “Baca sedikit,” lalu menundukkan kepalanya. Satu persatu saya panggil tapi tak satupun yang benar-benar meluangkan waktu untuk memahami materi yang saya berikan. Tanpa mereka tahu betapa lelahnya saya merangkum semua itu dengan sesederhana mungkin agar mereka bisa memahami. Ya, MEMAHAMI.

Saat itu saya ingin meluapkan amarah saya hampir tumpah namun saya dapat merasakan adanya Holy Ghost mengendalikan emosi monster ini. Saya ingin keluar dari kelas dan meninggalkan mereka, namun kaki saya seperti dirantai. Kembali saya menghela nafas panjang, lalu terduduk diam. Saya melayangkan pandangan saya keluar jendela untuk memenangkan hati saya yang sedang berkecamuk. Skenario tidak jelas mulai bermunculan di benak saya. Kali ini saya menghela nafas begitu panjang, lalu kembali menatap mereka satu persatu dan bertanya, “Karakter seperti apa yang ingin kalian bentuk?” Entah mengapa pertanyaan ini yang keluar dari mulut saya. Entah . . .

Saya, sebagai pengajar yang dulunya pernah menjadi ‘anak kuliahan’, sangat memahami bahwa lebih enak tidur daripada harus mengerjakan tugas-tugas ribet dari dosen, uhm . . . paham betul. Saya memahami bahwa ber-sosial media itu lebih nikmat daripada harus masuk kelas mendengarkan dosen berbicara, uhm . . . paham betul. Saya juga memahami bahwa sekarang sudah ada Mr. google yang bisa membereskan semua tugas-tugas perkuliahan, uhm . . .paham betul. Saya juga begitu memahami bahwa pacaran lebih nikmat daripada kuliah, yes . . . paham betul. Saya juga paham betul bahwa lebih asyik ngobrol dengan teman daripada berdiskusi materi dengan dosen, sangat paham.

Tetapi saya tidak paham mengapa mereka mau membayar uang kuliah yang mahal tapi tidak serius berkuliah, uhm . . . belum paham. Saya belum paham mengapa menonton ‘korea’ lebih seru daripada membaca buku atau materi perkuliahan yang sudah diberikan secara gratis, uhm . . . belum paham. Saya sungguh tidak paham mengapa kenikmatan sesaat yang dicari bukan mencari ilmu biar masa depan terasa lebih nikmat, uhm . . . belum paham.

Masih banyak hal yang belum saya pahami di dunia ini dan saya sedang mencoba memahaminya satu persatu agar tingkat pemahaman saya mengarahkan saya terhadap level penerimaan yang tinggi; jika tingkat penerimaan saya terhadap ‘keadaan’ jauh lebih tinggi maka saya akan dapat lebih memahami apa yang terjadi di bawah matahari.